Randomness

Well, I've got a few minutes to kill and thoughts I'd see what some spontaneous typing would present... I am a bit tired today. I guess that photoshoot last night wore me out more than I thought it would. It was a good shoot though. We got some really wild shots - lots of feeling. I am really looking forward to seeing what we come up with, this photographer and I. We have a game plan for the next couple of shoots, but beyond that...
Before I go further, let me appologize in advance for my tpying... I am usually too lazy for spell check and my typing skills are lacking.
So, here's my scoop... have been in a pondering mood lately - really pondering. Back to the whole meaning of life crap. Looking at events and people thorugh out my life and looking at where I am now. Quite strange to look at. I don't feel like I am as old as I am and most people don't think I look that old, which I guess is good. Yet, on the other hand, I feel very old sometimes... weary, tired. I have a hard time relating to many people - hmmm... actually, I have always had a hard time relating to people, so not sure whta th hell I am talking about. I have always felt like I am on the outside looking in. There are not too many people that I really feel like I can connect with - that I feel can understand the real me. I fit in just fine whereever I go, but that's just my camelion abilities coming out. The staus quo has always annoyed me and the benality of everyday life has always lef me wondering what we as a species are heading towards. Did I mention that I LOVE peanut butter! That right there! That is a great reason to be alive!! Mmmm... damn, wish I had some right now... I am hungry... Gues a banana will have to do.
I look at the world and am amazed that we have come as far as we have as a species... we are so on the brink of self destruction. It is not even greed anymore - it is apathy and self centeredness. The world is so self absorbed that no one has the time to think of anyone else but themselves anymore. Not the old lady who needs a hand with her groceries, not their neighbors and not even their own children. Really sad... kindof fits with a poem I wrote a littel while back...
THE ROSE
Racing Around Ourselves
In the flight of life
Scenery is flashing by
To fast to watch the rose
Consumed with our quests
Of the things not real
Just one more - then another
To absorbed to see the rose
Onto our social stepping stone
We climb with vigor
Grasping for what he has
To busy to touch the rose
Non-stop twenty four seven
No time to even sleep
We blaze with intentions
To tired to play with the rose
Now the end is nearing
Blurriness finally clears
Frightened, saddened realization
To late, the rose is gone
HELLOOOOOO! Wake up world... this world is so lost it is frightening. I write hoping that I can touch someone to open their eyes and see a littel more clearly -to help them help themselves to find a better way. I am not leader or a teacher, jsut a shmoe that does see a little more clearly and it constantly wroking towards seeing more clearly. I want ot share that. There are a few out there that I have come across that do see - littel circles... Seems so difficult to reach out to those that do not see that are stuck in what they think are things of importnace.
I am truly a glass half full person... always, when a question or comments comes up relating to that I will, without thinking say half full - or whatever analogy fits at the time. So, I keep on going and learning and growing and stumbling... I make mistakes, I trip and forget and somehow keep managing to kick myself hard enough to remember again.
I love learning and growing and sharing. I love stimulate the grey matter. Music an poetry are what really do it for me. Thoruhg them, I am able to express myself wholly. I am not really an open person. I have never liked to let people in - working on that... But somehow, music takes away all inhibitions and I am slowly finding ways to bring that into my everyday life. I am... and I am learning to be more me.
Well... time to run off and play som emusic! Think happy thoughts, be kind, have compassion, be understanding, learn acceptance and let your hearts be full oflove. PL&P
Franz.