Another late night vent

It is almost 1am, I jsut got done working on the coffee shop to be. I am tired and covered with caulk... I had no idea what was involved in this whole thingy... ah well, it's been fun and an adventure. Learning lots, getting dirty, sharing lots and I have really been able to work on some issues of mine... I feel like i am making progress again; yet a thte same time i feel like and am stagnating. ... I have that weird feeling again - that, change is coming feeling. anticipating... a bit melancholy. Maybe it is just my head and too much thinking and workingon this darn coffee thingy... but man, our espresso ROCKS! I can actually drink it straight and in a latte it is awesome...
I am ready... I really and truly am. I am not sure for what yet, but I really feel ready for the next phase. I am excited, a tad aprehensive and a bit sad. Why do we humans have so much trouble with change. Change is what keep slife exciting, interesting and gives us opportunities for growth. Growth... I am working very hard on being a better role model, on following my gut, on accepting, on not being judgmental, on sending love instead of anger at the morons that don't know how to use a freakin' blinker - USE YOUR BLINKER BEFORE YOU GET INTO THE TURNING LANE!!!! That is a pet peave - can you tell?
Let me share a bit about my nerw home here is salt Lake. I have made a circle of friends here like I have never had in my life. It is amazing. There is a mutual bond and i feel so incredibly blessed. I don;t think any will actually read this, but if you do, thank you for being part of my world, for your love, your help and your friendship. You all mean the world to me and I am honored to call you friends. (for anyone that really knows me, I do not use the term friend lightly).
I hope I can live up to being a good friend in return and I hope I can share something that will touch and allow the appotuniy/possibility for growth. df
The further along I get, the more I focus on the things that really matter. This coffee shop lately has hurt that though. I have been spending way to much time there and not enough time at home. I know it is temporary, but it still bothers me a lot that I am not spending enough time with my son... He is so understanding and non-chalant about it all, but I do think that it bothers him. I think I need to talk to him a bit... get him to express hnow he feels about all this chaos in our world. Yeah... I am going to do that...
Ah... feels goo to write - even if it is just my rambling... I started a new song about acceptance. I got the chorus done, but no verses yet. Wow... ok, I am toatlly beat now. Off to beddy-by for me.
May we all be blessed with love, friendship and peace (worldly, personal, etc.). Make the most of each moment - love with all your hearts and souls, cherrrish what you have, strive to grow and smile lots!
Good nght...
Franz~

Balance

It is late... I am sleepy... It is quiet...
I want ot write, but am feeling too drained to create right now. So much going on that my head is swimming and I am having a hard time keeping up. I have figured out that I am a rowboat! There are many types of people out there (duh...) and each of us have our own way to proceed down the proverbial road of life. Me, I am a rowboat. I take my time, enjoy my surroundings, make silly cirlces, rock the boat a bit, stare into the water... I always make it to my desired destination, however, it usually takes me a bit longer than most.
I like my rowboat though. I like to take the time to live in the moment. I coached soccar last week as a fill in and it was incredible - the whole world disapeard and all there was, was the kids and me; running aroudn the field like little mad people in total disarray - it was spectacular (this is 6 and 7 year olds here!). Nothing else existed - my coffee shop didn't exist, construction didn't exist - it was all about right then and there with the kids.
This crazy world of ours, the silly things people say, do,think.. if we stopped to enjoy right now. Ah well... I am and have always been a dreamer, an idealist, then I rebelled and became a pesimist and a realist, then I found a little balance andnow... man, I feel like i am in a whirl wind again - things are too hectic, but I want things to move faster - a strange quandry - there are good things on the horizon, but I am very tired of the road to get there. So see? I am worrying - scratch that (or as my friend Karl would say - strike that! (He's the lawyer in the circle) - not worrying, but focusing on too much of the future.
This is arelly non-sensical rambling here, but I need to vent... I haven't really gotten a chance to vent in awhile. Music is auditions and more auditions - had 2 gigs which was amazing - I love the stage... work is all about getting hte shop up and running and it is all "OH MY GOD!!" Urgent - crunch, rush, hurry, now! I do not work well like that - I am way to laid back and when I get too pushed, I tendd to lapse into the other direction... Balance...
Strange how life works isn't it? Watching the threads of time drift along, seeing the interaction of events, the meetings and hapistances, accidents reveal themselves to be not. These last couple of years have been intense as an understatement. No regrets - regrets are for those that do not understand and accept possibility - that didn't make sense as I wanted it too... Regrets do nothing but hold you back from learning and growing. Acceptance allows us to see without judgement - that is a challenge I am still working on. I think I have it inmost apsects of my world, but there are a couple that need work...
Accidents are not... I liek that. Do I really need to clarify? Hmm...Accidents are mankinds excuse and unwillingness to take responsibility. What about a car crasing into you? That's not your responsibility... well, maybe not consciously, but for each event in our lives, there is a reason - lessons, opportunities for growth - things we need to progress. Most peole seem to not look at life as a means to learn, grow and share. Wait... I don;t mean accident literally, I mean accidents as in things that seem to happen for no reason or coincidences... There are reasons for it all, it jsut usually takes awhile to figure it out... damn we humans leanr slowly... (um, myself included in taht).
So, there... balance - I need to balance... maybe in a few months... My birthday party is next weekend... I amnot sure if I am really ready for this - I have this strange feeling that strange things are in the air... Ah well, new adventures andnew lessons right?!? :)) I take it on next week - maybe I'll shjare stories of debauchery onthe next round.
So, thanks for listeneing... well, that's I guess more fo rme as there hasn't been anyone on here in a long time...
So, if you read this - thanks, if not, thanks to me :)) I feel better...
Have a beautiful night - sleep well, rest a lots, dream a lot and share love with everyone!
PL&P~
Me...