As anyone knows, that knows me, I am always trying to learn, grow, become more aware, expand, love more, trust more, accept more, undestand more and on and on... I guess it is one of those human things. I think it is what we are all seeking - to understand more. I also realize that I don't want all the answers. Part of the thrill of life, is seeking. We are all seekers in one way or another. Everyone is seeking something. We all have that part of us that we think needs filling. Everyone chooses different ways of filling this. I think I am finally understanding - not just in my head - because I have "known" this for a long time - but in my heart, my soul, that the only way to fill any void that we feel, is by fillinig it ourselves - there is nothing out there that can fill it - there is nothing external to ourselves that will fill us. Not things, not another person, not friends, not even anothers love. That is not to say that those are not important, but those will not fill the voids that we feel.
I think we come here to learn and to grow and that empty feeling we have, is the desire to learn and to grow. By expanding our understanding and our awareness, we can fill that void. It is within our own hearst/souls that this will be filled.
I am not saying that I have accomplished this feat, but I think I am closer! I can feel it. I am starting to really be able to see more clearly. I know the things that I need to work on, I know the actions that I take are not always the most productive and I know what I need to do to change them.
Can i do it? Well, I sure am going to give it my all!
I feel, again, as though I am on the crossroads of more change. I can feel it in my core. I have had this feelinng for the last, hmm, probably year or so. On and off, I have paid attention and then the feeling has subsided and I forget about it. I am not sure if this is part of the previous feeling or new feelings or combination. I am guessing the latter. I think it is all cumulating with the learning and realizations and trials and experiences. It just seems to be on the intense side again. I think it will all be for the best. I think that I have an understanding of the lessons and actions I need to work on. I hope I can pull it off. If I do, it will be a big leap for me. Old habits that I have carried around for along time. Those seem to be the hardest to tackle. I guess the first step is seeing them. I have seen them before as well, but this time, I think I see more clearly. And i have a real desire to change, to grow this step. I don't know where it will lead, or what will come of it, but I am looking forward to finding out!
Change is difficult for many people, but I see it as doors opening and never closing. There is reason behind it all and we all have things that we need to get out of our "situations", our experiences. For some reason, we as a species need difficulty to learn. We seem to not be able to learn without "troubles" or "problems" and, we seem to even have problems learning from those! I for one, am attempting to pay closer attnetion as I am just as much of a culprit as anyone.
Well, not sure what all this was abouot, but thought I'd share :)
PL&P
Franz.
